Well lovelies, its that time again.
What time you ask? The time where I confess all of the things in my life that are difficult and hard and then leave you with the moral of the story in a neat little bow. Unfortunately I feel like this will deviate from tradition in that I am not writing it on the other side of the storm and the battle. There has been no space or time for me to look back with unclouded eyes and go “Ahh yes, this is a part of the divine pattern and it makes sense to me”. I’m still in the murky depths.
Luckily I still have some perspective.
This tower card, second degree, dissolvement-of-little-ego path I went hurtling down is not a joke. The Gods are NOT FUCKING AROUND. I logically knew that to some degree, but watching your friends and elders go through things is not quite the same as being unceremoniously* dumped into the hot seat yourself. I have gone from stable relationship with my partner and home to call my own to crashing on my dear friend and High Priestess’ sons bed. But oh! The things I have gained. Precious self knowledge. Caring, loving people. Lessons everywhere I look. Opportunity for sappy gross love stories and happiness and wisdom. What’s that part of the Charge of the Goddess? Oh right: “Keep pure your highest ideal; strive ever toward it; let naught stop you or turn you aside.”
Admist in the sea of uncertainty I learn (once again) to let go. To let go of the little ego that does not want help or assistance and wants to be able to do this its own. To lean into my support group. To acknowledge (yet again) that I do not have everything figured out. I am someone who really finds comfort in a battle plan. Strategies, alternate routes, supply runs, etc… I like the control. Now that I have no idea what is going to be happening a week from now I ‘get’ to relax into trusting. You might think that training for High Priestess would be counter intuitive to trusting but you would be wrong. I certainly was. In almost all of the ways.
Who knows, readers, what might be written here next? I certainly don’t. Clearly. Utterly have no idea. That makes it a little more exciting, though.
*Blatant fucking lie, there was a ceremony when I specifically asked for this. People were there. I wrote about it.