Dum Spiro Spero

Or, While I breathe, I hope.

A while ago I spoke of many things, Of shoes-and ships-and sealing-wax-
Of cabbages-and kings-And why the sea is boiling hot-
And whether pigs have wings.

In all seriousness I have been wandering alongside Cougar as of late. Her lessons have been frequent, and brutal. Like a swift kick in the pants. Or multiple kicks. With steel toed boots. With her I have been rediscovering my sovereignty, increasing my boundaries and dealing with the oozing shadow that dogs my steps like an eager puppy.

These lessons have not been easy to swallow and have resulted in many a quiet moment alone, drowning in a bout of truly indulgent self pity.

“Courage!” he said, and pointed toward the land, This mounting wave will roll us shoreward soon.”
I need to buck up and work on my courage. Cougar isnt about to back off and let me regroup, and will instead push me into a greater growth spurt. All of this forward momentum is leaving me feeling very spread thin. Like too little butter over too much bread. Its exhausting, grueling work, and much of it isnt magickal at all. Its mental refocusing, emotional retraining. Im creating boundaries, like castle moats, and all this building is a lot like exercise.  Slow going, excruitating, and you dont immediately see the results. Im waiting for when I can look in the mirror and see a transformation.
For now though lets focus more of the details of the thing.
Tiger, Tiger burning bright, In the forests of the night
Cougar always joins me in the forest, impatient with my dawdling.
Isnt that always the case with cats, though? We must bow down and step in time with their rhythm or not at all.
To her I am a kit, a child, and she always towers over me. I have a lot to learn, and huge paws to grow into. Theres always a lesson posed before me, often times hidden under some sort of physical activity or vague comment. She doesnt give the answers, she leads me to them. But only when Im not being purposefully obtuse.
I look gratefully forward to my next interaction.
I look forward to becoming a whole person, well in all aspects, and ruler of my own life.
What things are you looking forward to?

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